


need.

by mumblingmaria



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Longing, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 23:29:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10501704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblingmaria/pseuds/mumblingmaria
Summary: Sometimes everything is fine and you just go on with life. But after everything that has happened, Hera can't stop the worry she feels when another day passes and Kanan is absent from it. So she goes to do what she does best, bring her teammate back to her. Or, at least, she's going to try.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a belated, but a known in advance belated, birthday present for the wonderful paleocat on tumblr, whose birthday was this past Sunday. I wanted to give them a little something because their art and doodles for Star Wars Rebels are easily my favourite content from the fandom. 
> 
> They sort of asked for some Kanan/Hera fluff and I then wrote this instead. Happy birthday!

It had been almost four months now. Hera had watched from afar as Kanan struggled and worked and fought to keep himself on two feet. At least, it had felt like it had been from afar. She had helped him relearn the _Ghost_. She had helped him figure out where everything he would need on the base was. She had helped through nights where he couldn’t sleep and just needed someone to hold his hand. She was there for him day in and day out. But Hera felt the distance growing between them.

When had they last talked? Actually talked? When Kanan first got back from Malachor, he explained it all to her. Everything that had happened, he gave her every detail about it. But it had taken weeks for him to admit the lose he felt when his sight was taken from him. She didn’t know where he stood with Ezra, they had both marked a line in the dirt and had promised to not cross it, to not reveal too much. Hera had become hesitant to make the first move with them, with Kanan. What if she went to far? What if she hurt him more? What if she pushed him away… what if she already had?

Hera used to know everything Kanan did in a day, but now, with a mask over his eyes, she couldn’t even say what he was thinking.

She missed him. That’s what it was. She missed being with him. It was as if he had left a part of himself on Malachor and hadn’t returned yet. And with every day that past, Hera was beginning to wonder if that missing piece would ever make its way back to him. To her.

It was the early evening. The sun was starting to set over the rebel base. Hera blinked as the cockpit of the _Ghost_ was washed in orange light. She turned in her chair and slumped down. The day had been slow. A supply run had gone out and come back, no problems had risen, and her crew worked on various tasks and completed them all. She had watched them all come back to the ship, settling in for the evening. 

All but Kanan.

Hera remembered seeing him that morning when she went to the galley to get her cup of caf. He had handed it to her and then he was gone. He wasn’t completely back in the swing of things; they weren’t sending him out on missions and he would do minimal work around the base from time to time. So when he disappeared like this, and it wasn’t the first time, Hera would begin to worry. Not for his safety, not really. It was just a general worry. Kanan always seemed more distant when he would reappear, harder to reach. She was worried one day he’d come back and they wouldn’t be able to find each other.

She pushed herself out of the pilot seat and stretched, arms high over her head. Chopper, who had been silently working behind her, bleated a question at her.

“I’m just going to find Kanan,” she answered, patting his head. “You can stop for the day now, if you want.”

The astromech danced on the spot, grumbling, before turning back to his work. Hera shook her head, a sad smile pulling at her mouth before giving him another quick pat, and left the cockpit. Hera knew why Chopper was worried; she normally let Kanan go about his day uninterrupted. The droid was assuming that this time there was something wrong, something that needed her attention. She appreciated not being fought on the idea to look for him.

Walking through the quarters, Hera strained to hear if there was anyone in the rooms. It sounded as though Ezra was in his. She hesitated at his door before heading onward; Ezra didn’t want her around, he didn’t want anyone around once he was in for the night. She knew he wanted the time alone, the time to think. He was still healing, too.

In the common area, Zeb and Sabine were playing a round of dejarik. They smiled in unison at Hera before turning their attention back to their game. Hera moved closer, watching Sabine’s pieces take down one of Zeb’s. 

“Nice one,” he said, grinning over at her and then focusing on the holograms in front of them.

“Do you need something, Hera?” Sabine asked. She leaned back on the couch, eyes staying focused on the game. 

“I was just wondering if either of you had seen Kanan since this morning,” she answered, grinning down as she studied the table. She quickly spotted a way Sabine could win in three moves. She shared a look with the girl, a grin showing up on both their faces.

“Stop grinning, both of you. I can’t concentrate,” Zeb muttered, leaning in closer to the table.

“We haven’t seen him all day. We were moving supplies for most of it so, you know…” Sabine trailed off. Her grin faded and she looked back down at the game. “He wasn’t going to be with us.”

Hera shook her head, “It’s okay, I’m just curious. Don’t let me keep you from beating Zeb.”

“Hera! I’m _trying_ to concentrate!” he growled. 

She patted his shoulder and let a small laugh out. It was best they thought there was nothing wrong. Because, really, there wasn’t. Or at least, there wasn’t anything new that was wrong. Nothing they needed to concern themselves over more than they already were. Just her worries, just her thoughts. Hera’s face dropped when she left the room. 

Once outside the ship, she blinked, the setting sun in her eyes again. It was fairly quiet now. Pilots were all on the ground, enjoying their evening of rest. Hera walked through the base, saluting the occasional officer who saluted her. She spotted Sato at the briefing table and started in that direction before stopping, he wouldn’t know and there was no need to spark worry in anyone’s minds. A lost Jedi would cause worry and Kanan wasn’t lost, he just wasn’t here. She sighed and thought of a new course of action. Wandering wasn’t going to get her anywhere and so far everyone she could ask would be a bust. 

“Hera, there you are,” a voice called from behind her. She turned to see Rex making his way over to her. Hera hoped he didn’t have work for her to do this minute. “I need to have you confirm a mission for tomorrow.” 

Once he was next to her, Rex handed over a datapad. She accepted it and smiled. Hera read through it twice and nodded. “Take Ezra with you. He needs to get off base for a day, I think he’s getting bored.” Rex nodded and turned away. Hera then quickly asked, “Have you seen Kanan around?”

The clone turned back and frowned. “I have.” His face was grim while answering. He looked her over once and sighed. “He, uh, didn’t really want to be found today. I ran into him when he was heading out this morning.”

“Heading out to where?” Hera asked, raising a brow. She tried to quell the worry that shot through her. Kanan had only just gotten confident manoeuvring around the _Ghost_ and Chopper Base. If he went outside the base…

“He’s just at the generators,” Rex explained, letting out a sigh. “Hera, he’s fine, he just wanted to be alone.”

She nodded, only half listening now, and looked over in the direction of the base’s generators. She saw in the corner of her eye Rex shaking his head and heading off. Hera didn’t blame him for being somewhat wary. They were all walking on eggshells around Kanan these days. Most of the time they were able to be normal around the man, but they’d often feel as though they had slipped and worried they pushed too hard.

Hera walked off towards the generators and there he was, finally in view, sitting with his back to the base. A krykna walked by outside the sensor beacons. Hera frowned as it passed, still unsettled by the creatures. She made her way over to Kanan once the krykna was out of sight. 

She stopped a few feet behind him, unsure of her next move. Kanan hadn’t shown any sign of noticing her. She knew that her presence didn’t go unnoticed, it was clear he had definitely been meditating but would normally stop when she’d come up to him. It threw her a bit that he remained completely still when she approached. Hera wasn’t expecting a huge welcome from the man but she at least thought he’d acknowledge her. Hera had expected something. 

Frowning, Hera closed the distance and sat down next to him. She crossed her legs and looked out past the base’s boundaries. She kept her eyes forward and fought the urge to look up at him. They sat in silence, neither making any sort of move towards the other. 

Finally, a deep sigh met her and pulled Hera to look over. Kanan had slumped down and had turned his upper body to her. His mask was on, hiding so much of him from her. She wasn’t used to it yet but was nonetheless grateful for it; she still had trouble looking at the scar that was a reminder of what was torn away from him.

“Hera,” he said, his voice deeper than normal, as though he had forgotten it in the depths of his being and was only just bringing it up again. Hera was hit with a sudden longing for his voice. They didn’t talk like they used to. There was a maze between them and they hadn’t figured out of to navigate to back to each other yet. 

She missed him.

“Do you need something?” he asked. Kanan hadn’t moved closer to her yet like he normally would when they talked. She hadn’t moved either.

Hera looked him over before turning away to look out again. Words were getting caught inside of her, tangling themselves up as they fought their way through her throat. 

What _did_ she need from him?

She needed him to talk to her again, not just say hello in the morning and ask her to talk about herself. She needed him to talk about himself. She needed him to actually talk to Ezra. She could see how lost Ezra was getting without Kanan and knew she couldn’t be the one to go find him this time. She needed him to start working with her and the crew again; they had been left feeling like an important gear had been pulled out of their machine. She needed him to a Jedi again, to swoop in at the last minute and save the day. She needed him to just be a normal person, someone who didn’t have to worry about the future every time he woke up. Someone who didn’t think about a life that was ripped away from him too young. Someone who could grow old with her and be happy. 

Hera just needed him to come back to her. To come back with her.

She didn’t say this though. She smiled down at her lap before looking back at him. “Nothing right now,” she answered. “I’m happy to just sit here.”

He smiled at her before turning away. Hera readjusted next to him, slightly closer. She turned away and was ready to start looking back out at the landscape when Kanan took the mask off his face. She looked back and was met with a look of anguish. She hated see it there, hated that she didn’t know how to make it go away.

Her hand rose towards him, hesitating only for a second before resting on his far cheek. She drew his face towards her so she could get a better look. Hera studied his brows, the scar etched onto him, the pale eyes she longed to see every day, his face. 

Kanan leaned into her hand, eyes drifting closed. They held this pose, soaking in the contact they longed for so desperately. Then, slowly, he took her hand in his. He entwined their fingers together before settling back in a position to meditate. While his face had softened, it was still filled with lines, filled with pain. Hera knew she couldn’t wipe it all away, not anymore. He still had healing on his own to do. She couldn’t hold his hand through it, no matter how much she wished she could. 

They sat together, a warm breezing swirling around them. Neither spoke, Hera moved a few times when she would start to feel a leg or foot losing feeling. When the sun had almost completely dipped below the horizon, she stood up and pulled Kanan to his feet as well. Without letting go of his hand, Hera took his mask and gently placed it on his face again. He smiled down at her.

They walked back towards the _Ghost_ , their fingers laced together still. Hera knew she needed a lot from Kanan, she had grown accustom to him being a part of her. She knew that right now, that for a while into the future, he was not going to be all the things she needed. But Hera could be what he needed. She would perhaps have to guess what that meant but she'd do it. 

They weren’t okay yet. Everyone had been hurt by Malachor, everyone was still healing. It was going to take more time until they were going to be okay again. But as they made their way back through the base, hands together and alive, Hera was confident they were on that path. They were going to be okay one day.


End file.
